Magnetic Authenticity Podcast with Jolynne Rydz

The Number One Most Under-rated Leadership Skill

• Jolynne Rydz • Season 1 • Episode 20

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Ever caught yourself at the end of a workday wondering what you actually accomplished? Despite ticking off tasks, attending meetings and supporting your team, something essential was missing, you. In your most honest moments, you might recognise that you've been running on default, reacting rather than responding, and missing the richness of the present moment.

The shift from autopilot to awareness is the game-changing leadership skill nobody talks about. Harvard researchers discovered that 47% of our waking hours are spent thinking about the past or future, leaving us operating on default settings we don't even recognise. When we lead from this unconscious place, our impact dulls, our strengths can become liabilities and we miss opportunities to create meaningful connections.

What makes this shift so powerful is that awareness doesn't demand more time from your already packed schedule, it requires more presence in the moments you already have. By pausing to ask simple questions like "What's my intent?" and "Am I deciding from fear or purpose?", you interrupt patterns that keep you stuck and create space for intentional choices. The neuroscience backs this up: leaders with high self-awareness are more effective, more trusted and lead more profitable companies. Yet remarkably, while 95% of people believe they're self-aware, studies show only 10-15% actually are.

Dive in if you're keen to re-discover your clarity, presence and the capacity for deep work that creates lasting transformation for yourself and those you lead.

REFERENCES
Eurich, T. (2018, January 4). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it). Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it

Kauflin, J. (2017, May 10). Only 15% of people are self-aware—Here’s how to change. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffkauflin/2017/05/10/only-15-of-people-are-self-aware-heres-how-to-change/

Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010, November 11). Wandering mind not a happy mind. Harvard Gazette.

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I am a Confidence and Impact Coach for leaders, Organisational Development Consultant and independent Leadership Circle Profile® Certified Practitioner. Information shared about this tool is courtesy of Leadership Circle®, all rights reserved. www.leadershipcircle.com

Jolynne Rydz:

Have you ever looked back on your day at work and thought hang on, wait, what did I even do? All day, you went to the meetings, you answered the emails, you showed up for your team, but there was something missing, and that something was probably you. In today's episode, we're talking about one of the most underrated skills in leadership and in life. One of the most underrated skills in leadership and in life, and it's going to sound really simple, but it's the shift that changes everything. So the problem is that most of us are running on default more than we realize. Have a think about it. Have you ever reacted instead of responding? So, as an example, I didn't realize until a few years ago that I often roll my eyes at things. So if someone says something that I think is ridiculous, or maybe I'm bored with what they're saying, or I've heard it 10,000 times I roll my eyes and I didn't even realize that I was doing this, and, of course, that to the other person, that's likely going to come across as really condescending and rude. So I'm glad that someone very dear to me brought it to my attention, and it's been something that I've been working a lot on. So if I still do it. Please let me know. Have you ever felt that you've been playing it safe instead of making conscious decisions? This is something I see a lot in leaders, especially where they're over-consulting and really want to be inclusive in how they lead. But sometimes you've got to wonder if it's coming from a place of I really want to include everyone, or I'm actually nervous and don't even realize that. I don't feel confident to back my decision. So I need to consult and get everyone's opinion and hopefully reach a consensus, because then it takes the pressure off me. So sometimes we're so busy doing that we don't even pause to think why. Why are we doing this? So the problem is that we're on autopilot, and so what I found is that one of the most underrated leadership skills and shifts that you can make is moving from autopilot to awareness.

Jolynne Rydz:

In 2010, researchers from Harvard found that 47% of people's waking hours were spent thinking about the past or the future. Have you ever done that? You're walking around, going. Oh, I wish I didn't say that in that meeting. Oh, that could have gone so much better. Well, I really need to get ready for that project meeting that's coming up.

Jolynne Rydz:

So we spend all of this time in the past, overanalyzing, or in the future, trying to work out and remember all the things that we need to do, that we miss what's happening in the present. So what that means is, whilst we're lost in our own thoughts, we're operating on autopilot. And when we operate on autopilot, it means that the behaviors and beliefs and the conditioning that we've received drives our behavior. And that can become a problem when we don't even realize what we're doing and we don't realize the impact we're having, and it takes away from the power that we all have when we act with intention. So when leaders are on autopilot, the ripple effects can be really significant. Have a think about it have you ever felt unseen by your leader Because maybe they are in their own head and not able to be present? Some of the greatest leaders I've come across have this really beautiful ability to no matter what's going on. If someone's sitting in front of them, they pause and they are 100% present. It's so rare that when you feel it, you're like, oh wow, this is different and it's so simple yet so powerful.

Jolynne Rydz:

And if you're leading on autopilot, another thing that's likely to happen is that you're likely overusing strengths that you have, and when you overuse a strength, they can become a liability. For example, if you like to please people people pleasing can be really effective in terms of getting people on side and being able to influence, but when it's overdone, it can become something that is done at the expense of you or your own team, that you give too much and then don't give enough to yourself. Maybe you focus so much on doing work that other people rely on you for that. You, you forget your own responsibilities, or not that you forget them, but you, you never get around to them because you're so busy trying to look after others. And there's other ones as well, like being overly critical of things. Being critical is a fantastic skill and so needed, but sometimes, when it's overused, people can switch off and find it hard to engage because it comes across as negative and something as well like perfectionism. I am honestly the first to admit that I definitely tend towards this.

Jolynne Rydz:

But when we are perfectionistic, we keep trying, and trying and trying and we're on autopilot because we're not even realizing that we're trying to just keep tweaking and tweaking, and tweaking. I've seen this. I've seen this at executive teams, where a piece of work goes up and, instead of providing strategic input onto the piece of work. They nitpick on little things like spelling errors or a little bit of formatting, something that at that level, the dollar value of that input is out of whack. Right At that level, you want strategic input.

Jolynne Rydz:

So it's something we all do when we're on autopilot and perhaps one of the most important impacts to notice is that your own impact can start to dull, not because you don't care, but because you're not always fully there and you're not then using all of your strengths intentionally and holding back on the overuse of some of those autopilot strengths, and what this can lead to is us homogenizing. We become, you know, the average. We don't stand out and now more than ever, with the rise of things like AI and technology shifts that are happening so quickly, we need leaders who are so aware of who they are and what they stand for and what they bring to the table, because that is the real human connection that is going to get people engaged and passionate and motivated and moving forward. So this discomfort with being present is something that is really fascinating to observe. I often not often, but sometimes in group workshops, I'll throw in an activity where I get people to actually sit and be present with one another and it is so fascinating to see how uncomfortable people are. They giggle, they wriggle around, they make jokes, they keep breaking the activity because it's really really hard to do and when you master it, it's incredibly powerful.

Jolynne Rydz:

So another key point when we move from autopilot to awareness, we awaken choice. We have choice to notice, to pause, to reflect and act from alignment instead of urgency or fear, which often drives us when we're on autopilot. And one of the best things Parts of this is that awareness doesn't require more hours in our day. I know you've already got enough of your plate. It requires more presence in the moments you already have. So this awareness helps you to catch the shoulds before they hijack your choices, because anytime that word pops in, it's likely that it means you are trying to meet someone else's expectations, or you're trying to meet a standard's expectations, or you're trying to meet a standard that someone else has taught you to believe is the standard you should meet. So the word should is such a powerful one to catch.

Jolynne Rydz:

You can notice the disconnect between what you say and how you're acting, and basic integrity comes down to doing what you say you will do and opening up when you. You mark that up right. So often when that disconnect happens and people hear you say one thing and see you do another, honestly, that usually breaks trust very, very quickly and it breaks credibility and it makes it harder to lead. So when you move from autopilot to awareness, you also interrupt the patterns that keep you stuck. Because if we don't know what they are and we don't pause to reflect, of course you're going to keep repeating those patterns. Have you ever heard people say why do I always attract you know crap in my life? Why do all these situations always happen to me, always attract you know crap in my life? Why do all these situations always happen to me? Yeah, that's a pattern. So until you pause and notice and move from autopilot to awareness, you will stay stuck in that pattern and it will keep happening to you.

Jolynne Rydz:

And when we move from autopilot to awareness, we choose impact over impulse and the neuroscience backs this up. So studies show that mindfulness and self-awareness increase activity in our prefrontal cortex. So that's the front area of our brain which is responsible for the conscious decision-making, so the higher level of thinking, the empathy and the emotional regulation. If you want to read more about this, go and check out the book called Altered Traits by Davidson and Goldman Really great book. Another study done by Tasha Urick found that leaders with high self-awareness are more effective, more trusted and lead more profitable companies.

Jolynne Rydz:

Yet while 95% of people think they're self-aware, only 10 to 15% actually are. I'll just let that sink in for you. So while 95% of people think they're self-aware, only 10 to 15% actually are. So one of the things I like to share with my clients is I don't think you ever can get fully self-aware, because to be self-aware and to understand how you're impacting on others requires the input of others to feed back to you, and you can never 100% understand how someone sees you. You can come close, but I don't believe you can ever 100% understand. So I don't think we ever become fully self-aware. So even if you walk away with that today, I think that would be a job well done.

Jolynne Rydz:

So many years ago now, I was working in this job where I had to produce a monthly report and I hated it because I didn't think it meant anything and when we talked about it the conversation just didn't really go anywhere. We didn't get any meaningful insights or results from preparing this report over and over and over again, and I just found it so draining and at the time I didn't realize, but I probably came across as really negative and difficult, because I just didn't want to be there, didn't want to be presenting that report, and so, because I had no self-awareness at this point, I had no opportunity to be intentional and change the direction and go actually hey, why are we looking at this report? What is it we're trying to get to? And is there a better way to do this meeting? To come up with these figures? Because this is not working.

Jolynne Rydz:

So how do we move from autopilot to awareness? And this is something that I teach in basically all of my programs, whether that's one or one in group that one of the first things we work on is awareness, and it's something that I think we need to build and build and work on like a muscle. If we don't keep exercising it, we can get out of practice. So the first thing that we can do to move from autopilot to awareness is to pause and it's a little bit awkward. So recently I got an electric car and it's a bit different to drive because you basically accelerate and then when you pull off the accelerator, it turns on the regeneration braking, which basically recharges the battery, but what it means is you kind of don't touch the brake much and it also has this cool thing where you can basically put it on autopilot right. So it drives for you pretty much, but we still have to keep our hands on the wheel in Australia. So it's kind of a bit of a weird feeling, feeling the car drive for you and you're not really in control. So that in itself is awkward. But also when you switch from the autopilot to driving, you have to tap on the brake and as soon as you do that, the car starts to brake quite hard because of that regenerative braking and there's this weird moment where you have to tap on the brake and then go back straight to the accelerator and be really intentional. So my point here is that it can be awkward to pause because you sort of are going from just operating to okay, well, what do I do now? So that's normal, that's okay.

Jolynne Rydz:

Once you've hit pause, the second thing you do to go from autopilot to awareness is to ask yourself what's my intent? What am I trying to achieve right now? And when you have that clarity, that's when you can make things happen. That's when you can bring people on the journey with you. And then the next question you can ask is what do I get out of doing this? So what do I get out of people pleasing? What do I get out of being on autopilot?

Jolynne Rydz:

And in coaching we call this principle secondary gain. It's something that puts the brakes on and stops us from being intentional, stops us from making a change that we know we want to make. So a easy example I always like to use is fitness. Right At the start of the year, people go. I want to get fit, you know I want to get healthy. I want to feel good in my body. Great, yeah, great intention. You know your intent.

Jolynne Rydz:

But what do you get out of being unhealthy or making unhealthy choices? Maybe you like a social drink out at the pub with friends and it's something that relaxes you. Maybe you absolutely love the downtime and amazing warmth of your bed in the morning and don't want to get out and go for that run that you promised yourself you would. And then you feel guilty. It can put the brakes on even when we're really clear on our intent. So that follow-up question of what do I get out of doing this is really, really key to uncovering that secondary game.

Jolynne Rydz:

And then the final question I want to leave you with is am I deciding or am I acting from a place of fear or purpose? Now, when I discovered this question, it was such a game changer for me because I literally stuck it up. It's still on my wall to ask myself am I deciding from a place of fear or purpose right now? Because fear usually puts the brakes on and purpose is just this untapped energy source. You can feel the difference in your body when you start to get used to it. So this is a regular question that I ask myself. That helps me to switch from autopilot to awareness.

Jolynne Rydz:

So, as an example, networking. I have never really liked networking. I've always been kind of afraid of it. I'd walk into a room worried that I look odd, or I'm not going to be liked, or I'm not wearing the right clothes, or I'm going to be liked, or I'm not wearing the right clothes, or I'm going to be judged, or they're going to think I'm an idiot. All of these thoughts would run through my head and I'd overthink what to do, what to say, how to stand, who to approach. What do I do with the glass in my hand and the plate of finger food that I've got here. So what I realized was that all of these thoughts, these behaviors, these decisions I was making was coming from a place of fear, a desire to fit in and a belief that I didn't belong in the room.

Jolynne Rydz:

Autopilot to awareness and being really intentional Just last week I went to an event and I'm going to do a shout out. It's the Origin Women Network event Amplify, which they run every year, and it was incredible because it was such a high powered event and it was a community of people who wanted to be there to connect. Rather than sell to each other and take, they wanted to give and I think, unfortunately, that's rarer than it should be. So what was different about this event? One, the people who were attracted to the event were different, but two, I was different. I went in thinking I'm just going to be me, I just want to connect with people and just be myself and see what happens and trust that the right conversations will happen, and a couple of beautiful things happened that I completely wasn't expecting. So when you go from autopilot to awareness, this is the magic that can happen. Beautiful things happen that you cannot plan for because our human brains, we think we've got more control than we really do. Right, just go with the flow is my point. But what happened was there was a moment where we had some music on, and, if you know me, I do love to get up and dance and people often are surprised when they don't know me that well, because I do come across very introverted. So, yes, I was up and dancing.

Jolynne Rydz:

It was like 9.15am in the morning and someone wrote me this note during the event and it said you made me smile when I saw you dancing and being so enthusiastic with the vibe of the day, and I'm like amazing, that's cool. I love making people smile. Like how amazing would it be if everyone made you smile at least once in the day, like people would be so much happier. So it's something that I personally intentionally want to do is make people smile and make their day better after I met them than it was before.

Jolynne Rydz:

And another thing happened was I sat next to this beautiful woman who has a wonderful business for such a great cause, but was struggling to get out and show themselves really, and so I challenged them, which I do like to do with my clients, because it's fun, right, if you get someone to push you and challenge you. That's when you can step out of your safety blanket and into that growth zone. So I said, hey, I have a microphone in my bag and I didn't know why I brought it today, but I brought it. So this must be why let's go outside in the middle of this event and just put a video on camera and then I don't care what you do with it, but let's rip off the bandaid and just get you in front of the camera telling your story. And, to her credit, she got up and did it and I was so freaking proud of her.

Jolynne Rydz:

So, if you're listening to this, know that you are amazing and I hope you get your story out there, and I know you will. You will and it needs to get out there because the work you're doing is so important will and it needs to get out there because the work you're doing is so important. So, coming back to my point, when you shift from autopilot to awareness, everything changes. You stop reacting and you start responding. You stop chasing and you start choosing where you want to go. And from this place, I know that you find clarity, presence, intention and you unlock this beautiful space for deep work and real transformation, and because there's really one key thing alignment doesn't start in action. It starts when you stop, pause and look around.

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